Haunting Me
I thought I dealt with you
I haunt myself from time to time, without noticing.
I walk the dark corridors of my mind, opening a door to step through, thinking it’ll lead me to a good place
The room I enter is pitch black
The air cold and frozen.
What is this memory?
Why am I here?
BANG
Behing me, a door closes. Trapped, there’s no way out
I’m pulled further in like a riptide
Churning and turning, shadows form on the floor, crawling up along the walls
Swept away into this nightmare, panic grips my chest, my throat, breath short and quick, my arms go numb
How do I get out?
A shadow rises before me, growing taller and taller, its face hidden by a black cloud
I thought I dealt with you.
I let you go.
The shadow breathes, a raspy sigh
‘You cannot run from me, child. I am what keeps you safe’
‘LIAR’. I scream.
I search around for my safety, my sun. They won’t come. Why won’t they come?
The shadow breathes again, increasing in size. ‘You don’t need them. I am here to help you be prepared. Danger is coming’
No. No. No. No.
I turn to run, to get away, get me out of this place. I push my body as hard as it will go
No end is in sight. The shadow is still behind me
I’m not running, I realise
It’s an illusion
‘Why won’t you let me go?’, I whisper.
Getting trapped by your mind is tricky because once you’re there, pulling back to yourself is hard. Thankfully I’ve learned to recognise when my mind is taking me on a journey and I’m able to put a stop to it. Sometimes I can’t do that. I get swept away and need the time and space to work through it. Sometimes, like lately, I get pulled in by something that been going on in my life so I know that needs addressing.
Keep being kind to yourself and reach out when you need to.